We all face insecurities. Sometimes, a little too much.
The consistency of being someone you set yourself to be. The moments you label yourself through quizzes – in ecstasy. Dictating your personality through horoscopes, validating your partner through calculators. Valuing your worth and formulating your ego through swipes of left and right. Thinking you know the emotion of another through a chat, through a mere hello.
You think you’re in control. You put on a front but behind the bars, you are incarcerated. You are trapped within your own living body figuring the person you want others to perceive. You construct a wall of falsities, mapping out illusions – bars of delusion. You conform to the bottomless pit of lies and deceit.
When you meet someone new. The spur of the moment galvanizes you to leap off the diving board of security. “I like this too” becomes more of a template to cure the awkward nervous handshakes and salutations. Homogeneous innuendos simply connect two disparate beings. But – you might be the mere thought of who you really are. You push past skeptical boundaries to extend the possibility of a new story. Often time, they barely grate past chapter one. The cold and unknown convulses every vulnerable fragment of you. You seek chafe through another but perhaps, there isn’t enough warmth to go around. Perhaps, they are just as timorous as you’d ever be.
Cassette tapes and rewinding fuzzy stereos. Classic sounds and perplexity all enrolled within the cyclical tunes.
Encapsulating you the way an avalanche does. Contorting your limbs, you barely mobilize an inch.
The pregnable unconscious state of mind is what haunts us. We are poignant and we render rending unto one another.
We cast winds of emotions that vibrate rapidly like a hurricane approaching.
We lose ourselves. Sometimes, it overwhelms.