your ordinary diary entry

hi.

i want to witness an alien invasion and jump from jupiter to the rings of saturn. i want to bite the ends of a crescent moon and fit myself through a chimney. i want to dip a curry puff into a cup of milk and hang shirts of my favourite bands on every wall i see. i want to climb every tree but i hate being referred to as a nature lover because really, i just love trees. i want to display every jar of chocolate sauce on my shoe cabinet and stick leaves into the shoes of others. i want to meet Anne Frank and share with her the woes of living in the 21st century.

my head hurts and my mind is spinning. i hate this can’t eat, can’t sleep, sitting on a fence type of feeling. perhaps its all part and parcel of growing up but i refuse. i feel entrapped within the walls of catastrophe and it feels as if i’ve been forced to down several lethal drinks.

i can feel agony through my bones and the thought of wanting to become an isolated astronaut never felt so real. i figured through The Guardians of the Galaxy that music can still accompany my solitude in outer space.

i want to leap into fields of mud and pluck uneven wheats from the depths of the earth. i want to sip a boiling cup of hot chocolate and scald my tongue. perhaps that pain can compensate. i want to touch every ceiling in every room and kick every white wall i see.  i want to swing and use it as my catapult out of this torturous wretched world.

i hate being nemo. but i do believe all of us really are, somehow – deep within us. we are all so afraid to admit it but there’s something distressing within us yearning for an escape. we build these walls within us that we barely even recognise ourselves. we are all so caught up with chasing after the materialistic versions of us as individuals. we hate the feeling of insecurity and musk it all up with moulding the remnants of ashes and dust.

we run away from the feeling of maim, and disregard the beauty of it. we refuse to fight for this beauty because we are selfish abhorrent beings. we’re all too afraid. they throw punches right into our face and question if the fist was nimble. they stab through our guts and question if the knife could be sharper. they tear us apart and yet question if the tape is strong enough to hold what is left together.

i love you. i know you probably think that escalated way too fast but i do. and for once, i want them to know that i will continue doing so. your existence might jeopardise the norm of who i am expected to be, but leave it be. if i could be honest, please quit running away now. i think this sappy shit really needs to end. but before it does, i’d just like to say  that i am going to try again. perhaps I’m screwing with reality and being delusional but Gomez said it all before – the heart wants what it wants.

everybody says don’t but i say do. i say do.

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