to my chocolate lover

i remember the first time i told you i wanted to be a tree. seasons pass, and winter comes around. there is something raw and honest about them that i find incredible. amidst the harsh cold winds, they let go. bravely barren, seeking solace.

and maybe, that’s the beauty of letting go.

i can’t believe i had my ankle fractured, bruised and slammed – the day i met you. an absolute stranger, i held on to the thin line of hope. you bent over, signaling me to get onto your back. was it out of mere obligation to be a decent being that you offered that piggyback ride? because my faith in humanity was instantly restored.

“sorry, i’m a little heavy” i whispered into your right ear as you trudged through an unknown path. you chuckled, i remember the way you did. you gently place me on the bench, reassuring me that you were returning with medical ointments for my wound. with those lanky legs of yours, i had no doubt you’d make it seem as if the pharmacy was only a stone’s throw away. my thoughts were running wild, but i had exactly 15 minutes to escape. you could’ve either kidnapped me or extorted all my cash – yes kids, get a digital wallet. unfortunately (fortunately), my ankle made it impossible to move. that was the start of something new.

so, i fell in love with a stranger who treated my wounds. i fell so in love with a stranger who took me down a different path. i fell so in love with midnight sand, and believed in magic carpets rides at dawn.

oh no, the construction had yet to be completed at the half-way mark of the path. the straight and polished path soon had bumps and humps along the way. a palpable sense of fear that you might end up tripping on debris. the government should’ve paid a little more to bob the builder.

the ointment for my infected wounds was running out and the pharmacy was no longer in business. so it felt like rationing the ointment was the only option left to keep the infection at bay. i attempted to keep up with you but my insecurities held me back.

the ointment diminished, and so did we.

i wanted brand x of ointment but you could only find brand y. i detested that brand because i kept getting recurring allergies but it was all better than nothing, really. i hated that the pharmacy had to fluctuate operation hours because therein lied the uncertainty of when I’d get the ointment for my infection once again.

so should i try harder or should i let go? would i be a fool if i pick the former or a coward if i pick the latter? it is hard to pick a path with solid conviction because i’m trying to decipher wisdom from impulsiveness. but one thing i do know is that i held nothing back. i put myself out there, broke down the walls, seized the moment, went out of my way and compromised. it hurts in the gut to be punched like this but life will never make any sense.

i realized i was clinging on to fleeting moments this whole time – a complete paradox. i still love you and you will always be a part of me. the stranger who came into my life and turned it around almost instantly.

my fracture is permanent.

but when i come to terms with the reality of us, i think my wounds will heal.

 

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