After all these Times, 

So it begins. 

From the start of an unknown as the protagonist of every story. In hope, I finally understand what I’ve been chasing after all this time. Something I could barely reach. 

Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky – 

The moon carves itself perfectly amidst the sky tonight as I tilt my head in a sort of angle to figure out what exactly laid upon it. The iridescence and beauty it upholds in a grand majestic beam of light shining unto this gloomy pathetic world. 

“How do you hold a moon beam in your hand” 

Is merely a rhetorical question. 

Our little palms attempt in days of rain or shine to capture the littlest area of beaming light up from above. Just like how our little palms attempt to reach out for love day by day, be it in the pouring rain or brightest rays. But some days it seems like we can’t reach out for the love we think we deserve. 

We tend to misjudge that the moon is so near to us, yet, reality slaps hard and we learn that whatsoever seems near is actually far. The hand that is always there for us may not actually have their heart written beside ours. 

As I sit beneath the dimly lit lights and look up above, the moon beam shines, the stars dazzle up high. The tranquility of every inhalation brings a certain sort of calamity and patience within me. The chilly winds huff and puff only to kiss my face gently addressing the thought of bliss. My hair flows along and begins to dance with the wind forming lines of fluidity. The leaves hanging by that silly oak tree rocks in tune to a lullaby composed by nature. Everything seems to be in serendipity but still, there are the thoughts we tend to dismiss inevitably. 

The thoughts of love, living, life. Having no soul in you that loving is merely the three simple words – I love you. Being like a buzzing bee so unconscious of living that all it boils down to is nothing but – making honey. Immersing into complexity of this haphazard confusing world that life simply – has no beauty. 

Don’t these thoughts peep in once in a while? Don’t you ever question what love really is? That love is sacrificial. Love is when mum and dad decided to receive us as a gift from God and bear full responsibility of our existence. Love isn’t just buying a bear or going for a movie – it is so much more. Love is when you put the other before yourself. Even if that means letting them go because all you seek for them is true happiness and not for your own desires. Living this life isn’t easy. The people you try to save may end up being the ones stepping on your cape to pull you back down. Living requires so much more of you apart from all your essentials. It is much more than the basis of survival. Rather, it is the acceptance of any moment be it exhilarating or exasperating. Living is when you look up into the sky with a smile sketched across because you’re marvelled by such a creation. It is when you are thankful for the simplest and hardest waves that come crashing upon you. 

Some days, I sit on the rusty unreliable swings in hope that I’ll be high up in the air and closer to that same sky. I’d inhale the adrenaline the atmosphere brings and paint a smile onto my face. We may not be able to reach the sky today, tomorrow or maybe forever. But I think the worthiness comes from trying. So walk away without regret. –

 Even when someone will never reciprocate your feelings back the same way after all the times, walk away without regret. 

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